The antidote for relationship anxiety...and for almost every negative feeling
In one of the biggest happiness studies conducted, it was a clear relationship between happiness and having a loving, long term relationship with a good partner. It is hardwired in us all, both men and women, to want to live together in love with someone, to share life and kids. Even in homosexual couples, this longing exists. Even if love and relationship traditionally is more prone to be valued by woman, a man still craves a good woman by his side to feel complete. Thats just the nature of things.
And this is one of the reason I am on this mission to help couples STAY together, I just believe the world would be a better world if families stayed together and worked on creating their own love and happiness, rather than divorce too easily. In other parts of the world, where the western influence and lifestyle not yet destroyed the family as an institution, the value of the family is honoured. We would definitely benefit from honouring our families instead of giving up too easily.
I am not saying you should stay in an abusive relationship though - noone should put up with physical or emotional abuse - but I can guarantee that most relationships start out healthy, and they can stay healthy over time with the right commitment. Because the commitment to the relationhip itself is often the lacking factor, when couples start spiralling down into the bad feeling emotional swamp, where they start to conspire if life would be better without their current partner.
So now imagine that your relationship can be healed. In fact, imagine that it is in fact already perfect as it is, even with the imperfections you might see. Try to feel in your body that this is ok. Even the imperfections belong, but theydo not need to grow to “things” if you handle them with care.
And this care CAN start with the greatest relationship anxiety antidote:
Yes. Simply being grateful is the best antidote for relationship aniety, or in fact for any negative feeling.
It may look too simple and perhaps you dismiss it, being yet an old outworn advise. But the fact that it IS so simple and easy to carry through, is the very thing that makes it so powerful! And, BTW, if you are like me, it is not so simple as it seems, because to live it over time, you need to highten your own awareness - of your thoughts, of your behaviours, so that you remember to draw on thankfulness whenever anxiety arises.
Whenever you start to feel angry, or resentful, or anxiuos in relation to your partner - stop. Stop what you are doing and momentarily sink into your feeling. Acknowledge it, and then turn to thankfulness. Find something to be grateful for. Find first a small thing. Then another. Then a bigger one. If possible, write it down. If possible, sink deeper into your heart and look for all the things that you actually have, and that you are thankful for.
If you have trouble finding true thankfulness, perhaps your anger stands in the way for feeling deep in your heart. Then start out just think about something which you would have to do if your partner didnt do it. From there you can start a chain of thankfulness. Maybe your partner makes breakfast or wash up. Maybe he or she puts the children to bed. Maybe they mow the lawn or do the washing. Whatever it is, this is something you can be thankful for.
Be careful not to start comparing in your head, and belittle the actual thing because you think that you do double more. Just for one moment, let yourself fel thankful for this little thing.
Then add more things. Perhaps you have kids. Think about them smiling and be thankful. Think about that they are actually half of your partner. Now THAT is certainly something to be thankful for.
Be thankful for all the time that you spent together as a family up til now. Draw on good memories and be thankful for those.
Being grateful for what you have is a choice. Being and feeling grateful is a skill, that becomes easier and easier with practise. If you say that there is nothing to be thankful to in your relationship, you lie to yourself. If you look out for the bad stuff rather then the good, that is also a choice you have made. You create your own reality by choice, since there is no truth in what is happening, only our interpretations of the mind.
Choosing gratefulness makes your head lighter. Choosing gratefulness makes your heart sing. And then grateful ess has worked as the antidote you needed to cure your relationship anxiety.