With Valentine’s day coming up, I started thinking about all the people who miss romance in their life. Regardless if you are in a relationship, single or dating, Valentine’s day may be a day of joy - or it may not. For some its a day of high expectations, sometimes too high.
Expectations are always ”dangerous” when it comes to love and relationships, because it may set us up for disappointment. I know women who expect extraordinary things to happen on this ”day of the hearts”, and then when these things don’t happen...there will be disappointment, maybe resentment and in overall not so good feelings. And this all can be damaging to any kind of relationship you are in.
But every year you have the chance to make Valentines Day special, fantastic even, and memorable. Yes, YOU. You dont need a man (or woman for that sake) to create the romance you need. In fact, by creating it yourself, you are more likely to get it, or at least see it - that romance is all around you. And once you open your eyes and your heart, willing to take in all the love and beauty around you, you will receive it for yourself.
So, if you are looking for romance on Valentines, here are my best tips to romance YOURSELF:
- Let go of expectations. Yes, I know it sounds simple and aaaww yet so difficult. But the more you focus on yourself, your own needs and how you can nurture and give to yourself, be kind to yourself and feel compassion, the less dependent you become of others. Then you can let thoughts of expectations go elsewhere. you can redirect them to focus on you.
- Think through what you think is romantic, that does not necessarily involve anyone else.. It can be simple things, like lighting a candle, take a bubble bath, or have a nice cup of tea where you enjoy every sip. It can be flowers, a nice candlelit dinner, eating heartshaped chocolate, baking something yummy or seeing a good-feel movie in your pyjama. It can be giving your kids something extra (especially valuable is YOUR TIME), for example taking the morning off so you can have a special breakfast together (this is a great tip even if you don’t have kids - a morning off to enjoy something YOU really like instead of hurrying off to work).
- Set it to action. Go buy the flowers you love. Clean your home, if that makes you romantic,or get the bubble bath fizzer or bake that yummy cake. The more you notice you carry expectations towards your partner, the more you should add things to do for, and by yourself -things not involving your partner. Because if you take charge of the things that you wish they would do, such as buying the flowers, you are likely to end up angry, or resentful. Giving to get is often ending up as keeping score, and almost always makes you end up feeling resentful if you are not getting at least equally back.
- Be kind to yourself and others and enjoy your Valentines day. If thoughts of lack appear during the day, even though you now have given yourself all the extra romance, or you feel down on yourself, or if you find yourself sad or jealous - be extra kind to yourself. Find the compassion inside you. It is always there if you look deep enough. Give yourself compassion, regardless of what you are feeling. Talk sweet to yourself whenever you find not so good feeling thoughts enter your head. Meditate on what feels good, whatever creates good feelings in you.
- Be kind to everyone and be thankful for everything you have in your life. Of course, being thankful is something we should practice everyday if we want to increase our overall feeling of happiness or reduce anxiety. But on Valentines Day, the practise of blessing and kindness to everything and everyone around us increases the good feelings of this day. It only takes a moment to be thoughtful enough to be extra kind. and since what you give out to the world is likely to come back to you, you increase the chance of someone being extra nice to you. If you practise hard on this day, maybe you will be inspired to continue over the weeked?