How to be more feminine in your relationship (part 1)


If you are a woman and want to become more feminine in your relationship, I applaude you! Then you have taken the first step of making your relationship more abundant in love.  

The question of how to become more feminine in your relationship, is one that would require a complete book or more to explore, or rather a lifetime to practise if you been living more in your head so far. Luckily, we got all that time, every day, to practise being in our feminine, IF we want. So today, I will just try to set some of the basics around what becoming more feminine is really about, and some aspects that I found working during my own exploration of the subject.

Just to be clear: I am talking about being feminine as in feminine energy, or your vibe, your aura if you like. Not about appearance, like clothes or hairstyle (even though that could be a part of it, but not in the way most people think). its about how you perceive and feel yourself, as well as how others perceive you.

Firstly, be clear on your intention. Why do you want to become more feminine? Is it because you want your man to do more for you? Is it because you want him to love you more? or is it because you want to feel like a woman? Want more juice in the relationship?

I found that this work has to do about yourself only. That becoming more feminine has to do with you, and how it makes YOU feel about yourself. It cannot be about the effect it may have on anyone else - even if, very simplified, it both can, and will, give immediate effect on the people around you. When you work on yourself to become the feminine energy partner in the relationship, or a just simply a feminine energy woman in your overall life, you naturally strengthen the polarity between you and your man. The more feminine you become, the more masculine the man has to be to restore the relationship balance.

This may take some time however if you are used to a certain dynamic. First there may be confusion, or down right chaos. But that is ok! Just be clear on your intention and keep going.

When you have set your intention, lets take a look at whats next. How do you feel today about being a woman? How well do you appreciate your feminine skills? Do you really love your feminine self, I mean all of it? The vulnerability. The parts that do not necessarily want to be strong and independent, the part that aches for being taken care of? Or does it only make you feel weak, lesser than and makes you want to raise your chin? Someone mentioned being smart: “This all sounds as if you want to be in your feminine energy, you are not allowed to be smart”.  Ah. I love that comment. BUT. Who defines smart? If we use such a statement, have we not already judged ourselves and the feminine attibutes? Why does smart necessarily mean logic or analytical? Why isnt it just as smart, or even smarter, to have an extraordinary intuition? WHO defines that? WE defineit! If I consider it being smart to be extraordinary intuitive, or creative, and I value that more than being logical or analytical - well. Then I am smart when I am completely in feminine energy 😊

My point is, we need to reconsider and perhaps overhaul all our belief system, when it comes to femininity/masculinity, leadership, men, women and relationships. Not take everything for granted just because we have been brought up a certain way or because the main voice in media tells us something. To be free individuals we have to learn to feel and think for ourselves. (which mean, I dont hold the truth either, except for my own truth, just as you hold yours).

Anyway. Lets assume that you do want to embrace your whole feminine being. Then start at looking into your heart. Can you feel your feelings? Do you know what they mean? If you have trouble finding or understanding your feelings, there is a myriad of different tools that can help you connect to your heart. There is an excersise or tool for almost any situation. But for now, just know this: even if there are as many as over 70 nuances of feelings, they all just stem from just two core feelings: LOVE or FEAR. 

Bad feeling emotions usually stem from Fear. Just as good feeling ones stem from Love. To be feminine is to embrace all of it in order to hopefully balance where the good feeling emotions are in majority and the bad ones can be loved as they come up. 

So when you want to become more feminine in your relationship, it helps practising loving kindness on all your feelings. From loving kindness you can turn your ugly fearbased feelings into something juicy instead. Love hard on them, and you start to love one aspect of your feminine energy.

This is the first step on the journey, and without it the next steps wont work. I am not saying you have to love yourself fully and completely before you can love someone else, or before anyone else can love you - but I am saying that being in a relationship is a lot about handling emotions. And you want to handle them like a queen. If you cannot do that, the next steps of the femininity journey wont work. Letting go wont work. Trusting your man wont work.

So its from here the other most powerful feminine energy aspects starts - the intuition comes from feeling. Flow comes from intuition. Creativity comes from flow., all of it surrounded by the cradle of love. And from these feminine energy aspects, the polarity in the relationship can be restored so it becomes a beautiful dance, the kind of dance both men and women secretly crave.