Four simple things you can do to improve your relationship
If you are a woman, married or living in a committed relationship, and do not like exactly where things are at the moment or you feel afraid that you are somehow loosing a little bit of intimacy with your man, or you just feel that something is missing - here are some simple things you can do to almost instantly improve your relationship and feel better!
Most of the time, we women tend to complicate our lives by trying to control it. The more we try to control, the more vulnerable we become, even though what we try to achieve is the opposite. But a thriving relationship is a living thing, its a free bird that needs openess, space and air to be able to fly as high as possible, up to the heavenly pink clouds you long for. When we hold our intentions and expectations too tight, the bird is trapped and struggles. A bird in a cage will not fly...a bird that is not fed properly will starve.
So what are those simple steps you as a woman can take to care for this bird and feed it in a way that it still feels free?
Firstly, recognise that you are responsible. Not responsible for your man or for the entire relationship, but responsible for yourself and your actions. You and only you are responsible for how you act and feel, and for the energy that you put out in the world in any given moment. If you wake up feeling lousy, recognise it. Accept it and take care of yourself. Its absolutely fine to feel shitty sometimes, especially if you are a woman, with your hormones constantly battling around your body, but it is not ok to lash out to your man or any other family member due to hormonal state. I know, some people say it is ok to blame hormones and that others should be forgiving, and it is perhaps true in a. little sense, however, ask yourself: does lashing out or arguing really make me feel better? Or does it leave me feeling even more awkward after? Most likely, it only makes you feel worse. So take a look within. Give yourself love. Close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and breath in the love that you crave. Love your shitty feeling, or at least accept it as it is.
Secondly, let go of perfect. So much of the time control drives us to want everything perfect - our house, our children, our relationship, our vacations...you name it. But life is not ”perfect” in the sense that it is always in order or according to expectations. Life is messy, relationships are messy, and life is a risk. But that is actually just as it should be - and THAT is perfect. Your life IS already perfect. Try to believe it and feel into it. All the imperfections belong too. All the sorrows you may have, all the difficulties you experience, all the struggles in your relationship. They all belong. Trying to outrun them only makes them grow stronger and will give you more of the same lessons. Letting go of perfect gives you room to breath. And most importantly, it gives YOUR MAN room to breath, and be able to step in and take care of things, to take care of you. So to give you a very practical example, if you feel like you are always picking up things from the floor or setting things in order in the house and you feel stressed or not ok with this - just don’t do it for a day or two. I know this is hard. But see it as a lesson, a challenge to withstand to make you stronger. Use the time to do something little simple you enjoy instead.
The third step is to release expectations. This is a tough one and most likely something you have to return to again and again and really, really keep a close watch on yourself to see where you hold expectations in the relationship or towards your partner. Expectations can look almost like anything, from small things like expecting your man to come home a certain time (even though you did not discuss it), to big things like hold expectations on when he is going to propose or if he will take you on a certain holiday trip. The problem with expectations is that they almost always set us up for disappointments. Noone can read your mind, so how would another know what you expect? And like if that was not enough, you cannot always communicate what you want and expect, because doing so can easily put you in masculine energy, and then it does not matter how sweet the words you use - your man will feel it as a command. And a masculine man does not take well to that. If you want to communicate your needs, i.e. expectations, at all - be sure to stand entirely in your feminine energy first and communicate it from your heart. And even then, after communicating it you WILL have to let go of your expectations. Because your man may find he wants to give to you in another way than the way you asked for, and then you will have to be open to receive, whatever it is even if not exactly in the shape you expected.
The fourth step is about appreciation. Appreciate your partner, even if you feel a little blurry or even resentful towards him right now. There are always things you can appriciate, no matter how small. Its just a matter of mindset. And even if this means you have to step down from your high horse, it will be worth it in the long run. Once you start apreciating small, seemingly insignificant things, everything in your life becomes brighter and lighter (not only in relation to your partner, but in general). Feeling grateful is one of the feminine energy aspects, that fills you up with good energy. (How to practise gratefulness however requires a complete separate blogpost.) The difficulties in finding appreciation comes when you feel angry from the start. For your appreciation to be trustworthy, it must come out from a clean heart. So before you utter your “thank you for xxx”, make sure to sink in to your feminine energy first, and let go of any negative feelings. Focus on what feels so good with this little thing you want to show appreciation for. And then speak it from a clean heart.
Want to know more on how to get in touch with the right places of your heart to heal it? Please contact me so we can discuss how I can help.